Friday, January 2, 2009

How To Survive Women

Being that I'm headed toward eternal partnership, and the fact that I am mildly compulsive in most capacities; I've been doing my reading on domestication. Everything from how to keep pet hair from becoming a problem to how to keep the spice in your relationship. However, it wasn't until today while clicking through Yahoo's latest relationship advice article and the realities of marriage, when I noticed something. Why are ALL the relationship advice geared toward how WOMEN can learn to deal or take care of their MEN??

I mean, yes, we are usually the ones who constantly check for and tug off the proverbial lint balls of our relationship. Tending and maintaining is in our very genetics. But lost we are not. Women have had the knowledge pounded into their heads for centuries that "you can't change a man" and to "stand by your man" and "if you don't give it to him, someone else will..." But where is that manual that teaches men how to get from day 1 to day 7 of their woman's cycle without suffering a severe eye injury? And how to REMEMBER those tedious things that they always seem to forget that mean so much to us (like anniversaries and special songs). Or how to let go of their fear of floral patterns and muted tones and let their woman decorate as she sees fit? These too are aspects of the male/female relationship that can either maintain the serenity of the household peace or drudge up an argument that usually lands the man in the guestroom/couch/doghouse.

I think there are a million and one things women have to get used to when living with a man; like toilet splatter, and 7 pairs of Nike Dunks left in the hallway. But there are also like a bizillion more things a man has to get used to when dealing with a woman, and the number only climbs from the point of child baring.

So my very plea...someone...someone with a really awesome publisher and book deal already lined up...please write a book (or several) addressed to men about how to keep US happy. Because in case no one has noticed...our guys could use the assistance.