Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Cake & Eat it Too

One of the best things about being a writer, and loving to do it is the ability to create stories. In my mind, I have always been able to conjure up even the most insane scenarios. My imagination has always been bright and vivid, so when I write fiction...it's pretty realistic.

Before me and D got back together, and I was shaking in my boots over the idea of loosing him for good. Just when the idea of being together was mulling around in our mouths again and we teetered on the edge of a cliff, I was about to break from the pressure. Sure, I was confident that D loved me, and that no one could touch that love. I knew he wanted to be together as much as I did, but what remained was the MOUNDS of effort and work we'd both have to put forth to make our relationship get off the ground again. Some men don't like to work that hard for love, some women don't either. So at the time, I didn't know if he thought it was worth it. I had to do something to settle my soul.

So, I grabbed my handy-dandy notebook and started imagining the conversation. Every word, every answer, every possible reaction. Right up until the final solution. Then I created two scenarios. One was D and I getting back together, moving into a beautiful house one day in Houston and getting married...having babies...being happy. The other was letting our love fall by the way side and staying apart. I imagined that I would move on...meet some artist as insane as I am...fall in love and get some ass-backwards shabby chic apartment in the Village. I read both scenarios over and over. Aside from being totally impressed with my writing skills and tearing up from the reality of it, I began to be OK. OK with the idea of having D, and OK with the idea of loosing him.

I settled in my mind that no matter what, no one would ever make or break me, not even those closest to me.

A month later we got back together, and scenario #1 was well on it's way into realization. Vivid as a picture.