Productivity= The Burn Before the Crash

I've been pretty productive this week. Between keeping my home life in order, posting on my beloved bloggy-blog, juggling final projects in two classes, working a busy day at my day job and throwing in a new night job for good measure, all while keeping a long distance relationship going and preparing for our future... I have to say I'm not quite overwhelmed. I slip in homework where I can fit it, even if it means shoving a sandwich in my face while typing up part of my essay at work. I've been managing to get everything done and even fit in a quality-time phone call with my Grams (which is hard to do since I can't email her and there is a 3-hour time difference.)

The only thing that singes my pantie lace is the fact that every time I seem to get my life in order...JUST A LITTLE...right when I'm feeling like I can handle this whole adult thing....something catastrophic happens that not only derails me, but totally annihilates my motivation. I'm not talking your average issue, like an argument or a checking account mishap, I'm talking about something major...like a serious ailment, or getting fired, or getting cheated on. Something that kidnaps my focus and throws me back to square one in one single swipe.

I'm treading lightly.

So I'm hoping that this post, my very own little shout out to the winds of the universe, serves as an intentional JINX to that whole scenario. I'm begging the "schedule gods" and the "relationship gods" and the "health gods" and whatever else is out there to please be cool. Just let me have this long enough to prove to myself how awesome I really am. Give me till the end of the year...

...I can handle disaster a whole lot better when D is there to catch me.

When Things Tangle Up

My head, which was once clear, is now cloudy. Is now filled with dust-filtered light. Is now hazy. My addiction to chaos, rubbing sordid hands together, is filled with evil pleasures. Am I getting what I deserve?

Months ago, I was a different species. Cold and retracted. Reclusive. Mourning what I couldn't have anymore. Reaching toward the wrong things, with that ever present feeling of dirt under my nails. Like an alien on this planet. One simple twist of fate lead to another. A forced step in the doomed direction lead to a higher self confidence. Confidence to ask questions that ended in periods. To accept the unwanted answer. I heard exactly what I wanted to hear, asked no questions, and promptly took it running.

Now set between wanting and waiting, I'm in this place. While time moves like a dancer, mocking my still feet. If only I could know for sure. If only I trusted myself a little more. With two hands full, like a Libra scale I'm simply waiting for things to balance out, and for progression or lack thereof to make my decisions for me.

Please excuse me while I linger.

Money Matters

Take a look at this picture. Imagine that Lucy (on the right) is your checking account, and Ethel (on the left) is your savings account. The conveyor belt before them carrying chocolates are your bills, and the bitch in the middle calling the shots is LIFE.

Just when you feel like you can't quite take on anymore of these "bill" things....life, predictably, gives you more.

If I got paid to pay bills; I'd just about break even.

Best Picture Ever

As D would say, "Thats so Boogie".

Spider Hand....Spider Hand...