Vacuuming My Dirty Carpet...

Today my superpower is CLEAN SWEEPER!! I have the ability to handle un-finished business...clip loose ends...severe dangling ties.

I 've been holding back some choice words for a few choice people and today in one fell swoop I dispensed with the courtesies and let loose on every one's ignorant ass.

HOLY GOOD INTENTIONS, CLEAN SWEEPER!!!

I kindly told my fat, bacon-hoarding, old room mate that....well she is a fat bacon-hoarding little room mate. I told the other old room mate that not only is she lacking self confidence but she's the biggest poser I've met since high school and she should get used to the reality that she's also excruciatingly boring and useless as a woman and human being. I even told my ex-best friend that her lack of keeping-in-touch ability is no longer cute and that she should grow up and learn to write down a phone number like a big girl.

YES...no one is exempt from my lightning-bolt zingers. PIKAHH!!! Run you, tiny imbecilic minions!!!! I vanish you from my Blackberry and here after from my life.....

Who wants next?

BTW: My Thanksgiving Was Awesome

So aside from just the stretched out weekend, I got an excuse (as if I need one..) to eat like a total glutton. My room mate, Monica and I went to Sylvia's in Harlem for dinner.

When we got there it was so packed that a lady standing near us started complaining about the capacity. "You know she got to many people up in here..." She scoffed, referring to Ms. Sylvia herself as if she alone was responsible for the weight of the room. Although, Sylvia can often be found sitting near the bar in her famous restaurant greeting guests and chatting up the bartender, I doubted she was there that night. Monica and I humored the lady and started up a whole conversation that somehow led to me and D. The lady's unsolicited advice went something like this, " Well, if he ever puts his hands on you..." I shut off all hearing valves after that one. (For some reason that's the third person to give me advice about D beating me senseless....not only do they have the wrong guy, it's proof that not many people in my life know my history with men...) Eventually, the warrior against domestic violence and her husband were seated and all in all she was extremely nice to talk to...

Twenty minutes later we sat down, ordered and received:

Afterwards we took the train back downtown and went to West 4th to a lounge called The Fat Black Pussy Cat, which when referenced incorrectly can come out sounding pretty raunchy...

After stiff drinks and posing with the random antique furniture, we stopped at a sex store to browse for "holiday gifts" for our respective boyfriends. We got home in time to enjoy the caramel and marshmallow covered brownies I got from the cafe at work for us, and hit the sack with full tummies and a Long Island Ice Tea buzz dipped in chocolate...

My night was made complete by a goodnight chat with D, whom I know would never hit me unless I asked him to (wink wink...)