Confession of an Urban Nomad....

When I was a kid and there wasn't much to smile about, I tended to find relief in my own imagination. I suppose it's what contributed to me wanting to write. If I had a pen and a paper, then I could create my own reality. I could be anyone, and anywhere and whatever I felt was the ultimate dream could be my truth for that moment.

Now, since then, I've learned to curve my imagination. I learned that living in your own head can really end up hurting the reality you have to actually live in. Like seeing the perfect life with someone and later realizing that you actually over looked a few hundred details because those details weren't pretty enough to fit into your ideal.

Right now, with my imagination slightly stuffed into my pocket, I am wondering where all of this is going. I'm thinking about my future and realizing that I'm actually in a pretty awesome position. I have no ties. To anything, anyone or anywhere. I'm totally perceptive to what might happen and totally willing to follow a new path. I think I used to feel imprisoned by freedom and freedom in prison. I was comforted by limited options, because that meant decisions where made for me. But over the last few years, I've slowly come to the conclusion that I'm just not one of those people. I don't need permanence right now, and I don't even really want it. I want to continue getting my life together; school, money all the things your supposed to get together when your in your twenties. But I also want to see where this whole thing is taking me. I want to see the world, and live there and take it in and absorb whatever strangeness I find. As long as there is a voice in the back of my head saying, "Maybe there is something else..." I'm going to allow myself to follow it. I know that sounds kind of movie-of-the week (cue Greatest American Hero theme song, "Believe it or Not"...), but that is a definite truth.

I will, however, say it's nice to have an equally nomadic friend...

Finally Convinced

I happened upon a video today that I've heard about time and time again. I sat through it and by the time it was over, my face and the front of my shirt was wet from tears.

So I'm making a commitment today and hopefully hence forth, to never eat meat again. No cow, no chicken and no pig. I'll only use cage free eggs, and I'll always eat fish (cause I love sushi).

It sounds silly, because it's a dramatic change to make after watching a 12 minute video, so take a look for yourself and see if it doesn't spark a change in you as well:

CLICK HERE TO WATCH: WARNING, THIS VIDEO IS VERY GRAPHIC

On the lighter side....this will be a very interesting little adventure...

It's The End of the World

I was raised to never invest too much in the things of the world. Which explains my cynicism towards cable TV and Pop music. Everything is temporary; love, money, even the breath of life is on loan. But today, as I sat on my stalled train and my eyes drifted across the newspapers of my neighbors, I realized that things today are definitely symptomatic of a world on the brink of disruption, to say the least.

With everything going on around us, the wars, the financial upheaval, the pure ignorance; I wonder how we all have the strength to march through it sometimes. I wonder why people don't just walk around naked with sandwich boards tied to their shoulders: "The End Is Near, Take Cover" or "Save the Music, Stop Beyonce".

Or better yet, why don't we do away with it all? Take away our clothes and our bank accounts and all of the gold that brings us status. Just strap bark around our feet, leaves over our mentionables and ride horses instead of overpriced, gas guzzling metal death traps. At least then we'll have some peace of mind before the world crumbles away before our eyes. At least then we can be free of made up nonsense. I say do away with "civilization", because there's nothing civilized about any of this anyway.

I wonder if Thoreau had the right idea to remove himself from the wold. To seclude himself from all the things that held him captive before. I wish the whole world could just down size to the very basic needs; love, food, water and shelter. I wonder if that would be the beginning of something beautiful or if everything would just start all over again.

For Packing Up It Sure Feels Like Unloading...

So I was getting started on the undesirable task of packing up my shit last night when I paused for a moment to read through one of my old journals. It was the 96-98 journal and I was 11-13 years old. It was the journal written during my parents divorce and my family's demise. A lot went down. Surprisingly, the topic I wrote about most was boys.

Which ones I liked, who had asked me out, who called me, who left notes in my locker. I started to wonder if I was just a healthy young teenager back then or something of a little whore in the making. I decided against the latter. I was a cutie and often the token black girl, so of course I was the flavor. Duh.

Aside from reminiscing about the times when my facebook friends were still my "face-to-face" friends, I started to realize something...

I'm MOVING!!!

WTF.