The Ultimate Vegetarian Nachos...

I told Oz today while balancing my cell between my face and shoulder, and grabbing bags of supplies from the front seat of the car, that I had woke up this morning thinking about making some awesome vegetarian nachos.

"You must be an empty-headed person..." he said.

Touche.

The reality of it is I woke up this morning with SO MUCH more than just making nachos on my mind. Between my family, school, work, moving, D, my friends, my money, my writing and the intense pain I've had in my back for weeks now, I was completely drowning in thought. The sun was blazing through my window but the air had been on all night and the temperature was perfect. My bed felt inviting and soft and it tempted me to sleep in even later than I already had (11:30 am). Instead, I decided to push all those nasty "grown up" thoughts out of my head, wake the hell up and just make some awesome nachos.

The problem is whenever you get nachos your left at the mercy of the venue. Limited to their ideals and preference. Some people consider nachos to be some crusty tortilla chips smothered in melted American cheese (you'll find this strain mostly in bowling alleys and ballparks). Some places make awesome nachos....cheese, jalapenos, guacamole...the works. However in my experience, the people who make the best nachos usually top it all of with chicken, pig or cow. Three things I don't consume. So today instead of sitting and write angrily in my journal about the desperation I feel inside or the admission I made last night which I swore I'd never tell anyone or the fact that I have to move (again) although it's dreaded and sometimes feels like a bad decision; I simply made nachos. I made them with a big goofy smile on my face. And I made them with soy beef.

They were so delicious that D, who had already eaten decided to help me finish them off. They were so good, that I forgot to snap a picture of them before they were completely devoured.

Mmmmm....denial tastes like happiness.

Randomness: Harsher Punishment for Over Eating...

I was chatting with my big sister tonight and as usual our two hour conversation which started out profound, ended in silliness, uncontrollable giggling and extreme immaturity. We covered everything from the DEEP and WONDROUS concepts of spirituality and the existence of God to what to say when people sneeze... Love my sis.

So basically this is what should come to pass...

There is all this buzz in the world, mainly America, about how huge everyone is. The kids are ballooning up worse than Violet in the Willy Wonka movie, and everyone blames McDonald's for their slow but steady demise. Well, with all that is being invented everyday....with the millions of hoards of people who sit around and think of new UNNECESSARY but addictive applications to download onto your Blackberry or iPhone...there should at least be a final and absolute solution to the problem of obesity. But there isn't.

Obesity is the leading killer of Americans. This tiny little concept of feeding yourself has become deadly, all because most people ignore that voice inside their heads that's screaming, "Put down the fork!" Screaming with vigor and desperation....

If only that voice were not so subtle...if only that voice instead were a harsh physical push...like falling from grace after sipping on too many cocktails, as everything listlessly fades to black.

My sister and I discussed the concept of a harsher consequence to over eating. Like if you were out to eat with your friends; people you have no shame in front of and can eat to your fill instead of delicately pushing your food around while trying to keep your lip gloss in tact. Say you ordered baked ziti and a big slice of tirimisu. However instead of that casual thought that creeps into your mind between sips of wine and table banter that tells you to push the plate away...you slowly start to loose consciousness. Things get blurry, hot and you suddenly feel like your swaying from side to side. So you ask, "Am I swaying from side to side?" and your friends look at you with squinted eyes...

"No.." they say. Still, everything goes blurry.

I mean why should this "feeling" of fullness be a feeling...why not have an immediate consequence like suddenly passing out and waking up days later..with your family standing over you, hands clasped, biting their lips as you finally blink your eyes and come to.

"You've been out for three days...you should have put down the baked ziti..." they say.

I imagine that if this were the consequence to over eating instead of just a painfully full stomach or a case of the "Itis"...people would be less inclined to Super Size their fries or order 2000 calorie meals. People would think twice about what they eat, the same way most people think twice about what they drink on a Wednesday night...."I should stop now, I have work in the morning..."

Everything is simplified these days....I can easily transfer funds, update my Twitter status, email my mother and call in sick to work all with a few clicks of my phone...but when it comes to people watching what they eat..oh that's a big guessing game. A huge struggle.

This randomness has been brought to you by the large glass of Cranberry vodka I've been sipping (I have work in the morning...) and the silliness introduced by a very long phone call with my big sis.

Thanks for "listening"....

Put Up a Parking Lot....

Well today was a new adventure in many ways. I sat in D's Acura trying to escape the concrete jungle that was the Super Target parking lot. I simply went to get lemons and Fettuccine for the fabulous meal I was going to cook for my boyfriend...and ended up crying all over his leather steering wheel. I called Tia, "I'm lost in a concrete maze and the evil puppeteer is Target..!" I exclaimed. She laughed and we talked for about an hour, catching up and chatting away the commute back to the house.

By the time we got off the phone I was almost to D's job. He got in the car, kissed me hello and we drive back to the house engaging in the friendly but snide banter that is our chemical romance.

Now the house is quiet, except for (of course) the sounds of Law & Order SVU, a faint reminder of the city I love. D is upstairs in the shower and the rest of the night and weekend lay before us like an inflatable slip and slide.

I got lost in a supermarket parking lot today, cried into my favorite sweater and found refuge in a good friend. It all resulted in shrimp fettuccine and white wine, so well worth the mission.

Houston, I shall conquer thee.

Goodbye Love...Handles

Over this past summer, I was proud to be at my ideal weight of 135 pounds (my ideal weight is actually 125-130 but I felt close enough). It had been a while since I was even in the same neighborhood as 130 pounds. I was in a new city and I had dropped two of the most fattening things a girl could ever own...a car and a boyfriend.

Delightfully, I was happy at this new size and I maintained it for quite sometime. Until came the Winter...which promptly brought with it the holidays...which entails dinners, chocolate, cake and other tenderly baked treats.

15 pounds later (or so I imagine, since I never weight myself), I'm about half way back toward the other direction (yes, I dropped about 30 pounds or so this past year...give or take). So It's time to get back on track. Which is why I just gingerly ate a measured cup of cereal, and am now working my way through 15 ounces of grapefruit juice (known to brake down fat cells). Which is also why I skipped the coffee this morning and opted for tea instead (ugh).

In the Winter, trotting 15 blocks or so to get to the museum turns into a $10 cab ride. The funnest thing to do is order in and sleep, and all the best activities are done indoors. Over the summer, aside from not being much interested in other men, even the idea of sex was too much to process. Getting hot and bothered in 105 degree, humid heat was the furthest thing from my mind. I stayed outside from 7 in the morning till 10pm at night on average, and on weekends sometimes I stayed out until the next day. Now, I get home and I'm pretty much wiped out. It's 30 degrees outside with a chance of snow....there IS no outside as far as I'm concerned.

So instead, I will be dieting. Measuring...counting...portioning. UGH. But in 5 months (my goal), I'll be back down to a size 6, and sporting my $200 bikini (my reward for loosing it all) on a beach somewhere in Mexico with my favorite guy.

But for now....today....TODAY I'm fucking hungry.

BTW: My Thanksgiving Was Awesome

So aside from just the stretched out weekend, I got an excuse (as if I need one..) to eat like a total glutton. My room mate, Monica and I went to Sylvia's in Harlem for dinner.

When we got there it was so packed that a lady standing near us started complaining about the capacity. "You know she got to many people up in here..." She scoffed, referring to Ms. Sylvia herself as if she alone was responsible for the weight of the room. Although, Sylvia can often be found sitting near the bar in her famous restaurant greeting guests and chatting up the bartender, I doubted she was there that night. Monica and I humored the lady and started up a whole conversation that somehow led to me and D. The lady's unsolicited advice went something like this, " Well, if he ever puts his hands on you..." I shut off all hearing valves after that one. (For some reason that's the third person to give me advice about D beating me senseless....not only do they have the wrong guy, it's proof that not many people in my life know my history with men...) Eventually, the warrior against domestic violence and her husband were seated and all in all she was extremely nice to talk to...

Twenty minutes later we sat down, ordered and received:

Afterwards we took the train back downtown and went to West 4th to a lounge called The Fat Black Pussy Cat, which when referenced incorrectly can come out sounding pretty raunchy...

After stiff drinks and posing with the random antique furniture, we stopped at a sex store to browse for "holiday gifts" for our respective boyfriends. We got home in time to enjoy the caramel and marshmallow covered brownies I got from the cafe at work for us, and hit the sack with full tummies and a Long Island Ice Tea buzz dipped in chocolate...

My night was made complete by a goodnight chat with D, whom I know would never hit me unless I asked him to (wink wink...)