Death of a Blackberry

I suppose that'll teach me to be so damned dependant on my blackberry...

It all began last week when Valentine attempted to call me. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my phone which had just lit up like a birthday cake, but couldn't show an incoming call or message because of that annoying little hour glass that was infinitely flipping over and over, as if I was somehow inconveniencing it with my silly phone calls. "Hold on a min..I SAID HOLD ON A MINUTE!" it seemed to say as I bit my bottom lip, knowing poor Valentine was taking the few minutes out of his hectic work schedule he could manage to call me. Any other day I would have answered by the third ring, but now I was helplessly glaring at my blackberry as if it was a screaming baby or a post office worker.

"My time is valuable! I am a person deserving of respect and forbearance!! Heed me!! HEEEED ME!!"

But it didn't matter what I screamed at the thing, it continued displaying the hour glass as my missed call icon began to tally three missed calls and a voicemail. Finally after ten minutes my phone completed whatever task that was more important than my relationship and I started calling Valentine back. I pressed the call button to pull up my call log and JUST as I was about to press "send" to call him back I was met with part two of the hour glass horror show. "Nooooooooooooooooo!" I screamed. I held the device in my left hand in disbelief and without even blinking balled up my right fist and plowed into the face of my blackberry, faintly catching junior high school flashbacks of my first fight with Damion Black who refused to keep his hands off of my developing boobs in computer class. For the moment relief took over my cheeks and I felt better. Then I saw the damage. A giant crack was stretched across my screen. Not sure why, but I still didn't panic. I was strangely satisfied as I watched my phone turn itself off then sheepishly back on as if trying to (you'll pardon the expression) save "face".

Well, now it's days later and I've already received my replacement phone (ALWAYS get the insurance plan, it works if you work it), and switched all my data and applications to the shiny, new unscratched, un-cracked device. Yet here I sit, lightly tapping my phone's screen with my fingernail. "Um hello?..." I whisper as I try to send an email- nothing.

As I'm told by my provider that all blackberry users are having issues due to a nation wide outage, I suddenly wonder how many insurance claims I can submit before they cancel my policy....


(©2009 Lotus B.)