New Year's Resolution 2009

Well it's about that time of year again, and I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. I know people say making resolutions is pointless and that they are made to be broken, but I don't believe it. Any time that brings a fresh start is a good time to make it a turning point in your life. So in light of this fact, I am making my resolutions for 2009:

1. Only use my credit cards when it's an absolute emergency, or if I know for sure I can pay it off before the bill comes.


2. No repeat arguments with D- if it's worth it to bring up, it's worth it to talk (or battle) it out until it's totally squashed.


3. No more pork- I tell myself that bacon is not pork...this needs to stop.


4. Donate to at least 3 charitable causes.


5. Maintain at least a 3.5 GPA.


6. Pay off whatever is lurking...(creepy)


7. Jog regularly (a few times a week)


8. Start an aerobics or yoga class


9. Find a couple for me and D to be friends with


10. Start a book club


11. Take a vacation

So I don't think these are too hard to grasp or achieve, and frankly their already things I have started to do. Tomorrow I'll be eating a lot of bacon...right up to 11:59...

Bird's Eye View

I heard an old friend of mine passed away suddenly yesterday. Again I was reminded of how frustratingly precious life is. How nothing is really ever promised. I was sitting on my flight home through the turbulence wondering if my plane would drop out of the sky on Sunday night; my palms getting clammy as they gripped my trey table. For a second I convinced myself that if and when it was my time to go I would calmly accept it. So yesterday I wondered if Destiny accepted it, if she even had time to and if she ever imagined she'd be leaving this world at 30. I've lost quite a few people in the past year, and every time I tend to wonder if I'll leave this world the same why I came into it...kicking and screaming.

So, to Destiny Castro, who had a contagious chuckle and the most gorgeous hair ever, rest in peace. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and her two babies.

The Worst Thing About Today....

...It's not that the wind is blowing freezing air in through the cracks of my window, which sits next to my bed. It's not that the shirt I found at Forever 21 doesn't quite fit, reminding me that I have in fact put on some holiday weight (I used to be a nice even medium...sometimes small). It's not even the bill I got in the mail today from my school, with $730.00 glaring back at me like some kind of cruel ironic joke. It's that today, nearly 48 hours from my glorious fun filled week with family and D, I am so far beyond pissed at his ungrateful ass that I hardly want to get on a plane to go see him anymore.

Of all the things that man can do, frustrating me is above all the thing in which he is most skilled.

YAY SNOW!!

...And So It Begins

Almost a month away is the official inauguration of President-Elect Obama, and my very own people are already nit-picking at him about his choice of invocation speaker, Rick Warren. Rick Warren is a pastor who although quite the liberal in other areas, is sternly opposed to same-sex marriage. Being that he is a religious man (to say the least) OF COURSE he's opposed to it...hello?

By "my people" of course I don't mean, the LGBT community, although some of my favorite people in the world are of that community...I mean Californians. Yes, we suffered a blow to our human rights, when among the excitement of our first Black President elect, the unsightly Proposition 8 (or "Prop H8 as it's widely referred) was passed which supported the ban on all same-sex marriages in the state. However, we all voted for a man, Obama, who not once denied his feelings regarding same-sex marriages. Politically he has supported same-sex couples and their fight for equal marital rights, however he has said several times that personally he is opposed to the idea.

So whats wrong with that? He is a public figure but also just a man. A man with opinions, thoughts and ideals that might not always revolve around what America wants as a majority (or a minority). I'm sure he supports the non-smoking laws, although he is a 20 year pack-a-day smoker. These are things we must accept when we elect a human being into office. He'll do human shit.

Aside from that point, the inauguration is not just for the American people, it's for the Obamas. It's like a person's wedding day, in that it should reflect who you are. I am a strong supporter of equal human rights, and I voted against Prop H8, but that doesn't mean I oppose people with opposite views. This is America, and we can't be upset just because someone doesn't have the same personal beliefs as we do. As long as Obama politically supports LGBT marital rights and does not oppose it, that's good enough for me. It's California we should be upset with, not our gleaming Prez Obama.

Just my opinion.

♥

Referenced Article: http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/20081217/pl_politico/16693

4 More Days!!!!

In 4 days I'll be surrounded again by those I love the most!

♥

HOTTIE Alert!!!

And no, I'm not talking about Keanu Reeves bushy ass. He looks like he has a vagina on his face.

I'm talking about Jayden Smith (Will and Jada's son) !! I know he's like 4 and a half, but baby boy is going to be ONE HOT ticket in about 10 more years!!

Mark my words!

White Tuesday

I was smiling underneath my coat hood tonight.

When I was a kid, I was quite oblivious to the "damage" being done to me. I didn't realize how much it would effect me that we moved so much, that there was upheaval, and disappointment. As children tend to do, I always seemed to filter these things out and store them for the time that would come when I would inevitably be much more aware. What I did notice, was that almost every time my family moved...it rained. Now, as a 24 year old woman...I hate rain. I hate everything about it accept for the sounds it creates on a rooftop.

I left work tonight with one goal in mind. Get home soon. I got on my usual 3 train, but didn't get far before it started slowing down. The loud speaker broke through the silence and informed us at the Chambers Street stop that another train ahead of us was stalled and we would be waiting for a bit. So, I waited. The next stop was the same scenario, and again I waited. Only this time, I realized I could connect to the A and take the 4 home instead of waiting on a stalled line. So I did. After getting off the A and walking through the tunnel to the 4 I arrived just in time to see that the 4 was so full, not even a small child could fit inside it's doors. So it left without me. I waited some more, and this time a 2 showed up. The 2 doesn't go to my neighborhood, but it would get me close enough, so I got on. It was packed, smelly, damp and loud. My frustration seemed to collect in the tips of my fingers and the end of my nose. I was approaching livid. Then I got off of the 2 and crossed the path to take the 4. I waited...

...And waited some more.

Finally the 4 came and took a crap load of angry Brooklynites (?) home. I was steaming by the time I got off at my stop, nearly an hour behind. The cold air started to hit me sooner than usual as I climbed the steps to exit, which meant that the temperature had dropped drastically since I left Manhattan. Then I cam out of the station and onto the street.

I was in a snow globe. Wisps of white cotton was falling heavily on everything around me. The cars were covered, the houses were frosted and the sky was almost completely white. My California ass started swatting the snow away trying to make my way through. But as I walked, and the snow transformed from flakes to drops of water on the sidewalk, my frustration seemed to melt away too. By the time I got to my street I was smiling like a school girl.

In between the moving, the fighting, the disappointment and the let downs...there was snow. Sporadic though the occasion was, on trips to Tahoe or staying with my Great Grandparents in Ohio there were mounds of crunchy snow. The thought occurred to me as I walked through it that my happiest times as a child were spent in snow. I had no bad memories of snow, nothing to feel except unencumbered. And so, sappy as this might sound, I mumbled a thank you before reaching my door stoop.

The smallest things, sometimes as small as a 6 degree drop in temperature can make you remember that nothing is all bad.

Support An Awesome Cause

The Fresh Air Fund is a non-profit organization that reaches out to inner city youth and offers them something that some are on a very short supply of; FUN!

Kids who already face the stress and strain of inner city life deserve a little fun and that's exactly what the Fresh Air Fund gives them. With tax-deductible donations The Fresh Air Fund has been treating kids to stays at their educational camps, trips to the country and visits to families who volunteer their time and homes. Kids are able to let loose, and meet new people who are sure to be life long friends. This is an awesome cause, and helping is so easy.

For information on how to donate your time or extra money please click here!

Happy Holidays!

Coming, Going and Things in Between...

The above photo was taken about a week before I left California for New York. I was getting a drink with my friend George, and in complete denial of what I was about to do. I nonchalantly told friends from work that it was simply a time for change and everyone was impressed with my casual demeanor. I was waiting for George to bring me a second (or third) martini, because as you all can see, I had just polished one off. I remember for that second when he left to walk across that large scape of that scroungy, trendy, over priced bar in San Francisco; I was alone and in silence for a moment. I took it all in and whispered to myself..."better get used to it, trooper."

...but I haven't really been alone.

I Must Be the Last Person on the Planet Who Didn't Know....

...That Ne-Yo's fine ass is BALDING...??

I also didn't know he was arrested earlier this year for drunk driving. I'm not really one to keep up with cookie cutter R&B singers who serve no purpose outside of assisting in the consumation of pregnancies across the world....

Hey Ne-Yo...your still a cutie..but lets keep the hats on.

10 Things That "Urk" Me...

1. Americans who use the phrase "cheers". This doesn't make you sound more worldly...it's just annoying.
2. Fat people who take up two seats on the subway.
3. Overpriced Manhattan food...even McDonald's is more expensive here. Ugh....
4. Kids with no home-training.
5. People who think it's ok to feed their kids ANYTHING.
6. Celebrities who complain about being popular.
7. People who just stand in silence instead of saying, "Excuse me..." (New Yorkers don't do this...)
8. Tourists who ask where a good place to eat in the city is...(wtf?? There are a zillion restaurants, who am I Zagats?)
9. Women who buy fake designer bags...Your not fooling anyone but yourself.
10. Women who don't take the time to do their hair or make-up, but spend $40 on fiberglass nail art.

♥My 200th Post!!♥

^My First Week in Brooklyn.

I started this blog about 5 months before moving to New York on my Myspace blog. It wasn't called "I Say Hella" back then, it was just called...like "Blog" or something un-fabulous. At first, aside from my close friends and family, the only person who read it regularly was my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend who was totally obsessed with me because she was convinced he (the ex) was still in love...drama.

So I chronicled the adventure before the adventure...leaving California. Saying goodbye to friends and family...looking for an apartment in Brooklyn with Molly. The mess of emotions that stuck to the walls of the apartment I shared with D during our "technically broken up but still in love but living together" phase.

I guess the real reason I started this blog on blogspot, was because I was so far away from home. Far away from family and every friend I'd ever made. I was in a new world that I had to figure out day by day on my own and no one was around to share that with. So I did what I do best. I wrote about it.

I never started this to gain attention (not that it HAS or anything) I just wanted for my friends and family to get a peek into what I was experiancing and how I was doing. Along the way, I've received emails from perfect strangers who tell me that something I've written has made them think differently about themselves, or about life or love and that's a pretty awesome compliment. I've even had someone ask me how I got up the guts to up and leave California.

"Guts..." I said, "...don't wait for guts...leaving scared shitless is the best way to leave. Find the guts when you really need them."

I know I'll be going home soon. I know New York will always be some kind of strange dream with the taboo of a love affair; just dirty enough to feel wrong and clean enough to feel new. I'm glad I came, glad I'm here and I'm glad I'll be leaving one day.

Thanks to all those who read & comment, I'm glad you get a kick outta my life.

♥

OJ Simpson Sentencing Today

I still can't believe his lawyer went with the , "he didn't know it was illegal..." to break into someones establishment with guns and take them hostage approach.

I've never seen a celeb end up doing actual time for their crimes, so I'm sure he'll get 6 years in some cushy, minimum security penthouse and get out in a few years for good behavior.

Whatev...

The Other Man Meat

When I was a young girl, a little girl even, maybe twelve or thirteen, I started getting attention from the other kind of man. The kind of man who slowed his car down in the middle of the hot street, cracked his window so that his blaring music streams out and would promptly ask my age. I always replied a year younger than I actually was, sometimes more, just so they might feel a tinge of embarrassment and leave me alone. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't.

This is the same kind of man, I found as I grew up, that would befriend me so I would let my guard down enough that I might sleep with him; as if I was incapable of making decisions about sex if not under false pretenses. This would be the man who was incapable of telling the truth, imagining in his head that he held a powers I never gave him. He would be the kind of man who might flash an obscene gesture at me on the train, not thinking of just how that might make me feel inside, or licking his lips at me during the lunch rush even though I'd tried my best to dress conservatively for work. The man with empty eyes, who requires rapture in everything he does, and begs for attention like a 5 year old in the church parking lot. These are the men who make the other kind of man feel like a blue light in the middle of a dark room.

I'm glad I have someone with no misconceptions, no pretend objective, no alternative motive. Someone with more than just the bedroom in his eyes. With more to talk about and less to say. Someone just like me.

Brandy, "Long Distance"

BTW: My Thanksgiving Was Awesome

So aside from just the stretched out weekend, I got an excuse (as if I need one..) to eat like a total glutton. My room mate, Monica and I went to Sylvia's in Harlem for dinner.

When we got there it was so packed that a lady standing near us started complaining about the capacity. "You know she got to many people up in here..." She scoffed, referring to Ms. Sylvia herself as if she alone was responsible for the weight of the room. Although, Sylvia can often be found sitting near the bar in her famous restaurant greeting guests and chatting up the bartender, I doubted she was there that night. Monica and I humored the lady and started up a whole conversation that somehow led to me and D. The lady's unsolicited advice went something like this, " Well, if he ever puts his hands on you..." I shut off all hearing valves after that one. (For some reason that's the third person to give me advice about D beating me senseless....not only do they have the wrong guy, it's proof that not many people in my life know my history with men...) Eventually, the warrior against domestic violence and her husband were seated and all in all she was extremely nice to talk to...

Twenty minutes later we sat down, ordered and received:

Afterwards we took the train back downtown and went to West 4th to a lounge called The Fat Black Pussy Cat, which when referenced incorrectly can come out sounding pretty raunchy...

After stiff drinks and posing with the random antique furniture, we stopped at a sex store to browse for "holiday gifts" for our respective boyfriends. We got home in time to enjoy the caramel and marshmallow covered brownies I got from the cafe at work for us, and hit the sack with full tummies and a Long Island Ice Tea buzz dipped in chocolate...

My night was made complete by a goodnight chat with D, whom I know would never hit me unless I asked him to (wink wink...)

World AIDS Day

Today is World AIDS day, and if there is anything I can do as a blogger to bring awareness of this epidemic that plagues millions of people every day it's pure, simple facts...

-In 2006 there was an estimated 533,000+ people living with HIV in 33 US states (counted among areas with confidential infection reporting)

-Within those states, it's estimated that close to 3500 people will be infected with HIV before the age of 25.

-In New York alone, over 170,000 people were living with HIV in 2005

-The highest population of HIV/AIDS infected people in New York are African Americans at 44%

One of the highest risks a person can take when it comes to HIV or AIDS infection is messing with drugs that severely impair your judgement or involve fluid sharing (like heroin or cocaine use.)

The best prevention is to never share needles, and always use a condom until you are in a committed, monogamous relationship.

There is NOTHING wrong with asking Mr. Handsome if he's been tested, when and how often before things get physical. If Mr. Handsome finds this question to be offensive...that's a hint he probably doesn't feel too comfortable walking into a clinic every 6 months.

Perfectly clean people can be infected with HIV.

And you can have HIV for up to 10 years (sometimes longer) before you show any signs of infection.

The only way to know for sure is to get tested. Get tested every 6 months and between every partner. For a list of testing facilities and free clinics in your area please click here.

Fuck Off, I Need It

Yes, I know

I know there's a TONNAGE of other things that I should spend/save my money for...

Like Christmas, or New Years, or other things...

I know that frivolous spending on things I don't need should be avoided like the plague...

But....

Mamas goin shoppin, bitches.