Coffee Gives Me Gas

And so do matters of the heart. I think the only time love is genuinely pleasant is when it's starting to grow and develop*. When you get an inbox full of random notes; "I was thinking about you"...."Dinner this weekend?"...little insignificant messages that one could probably just say over the phone or in person but can't wait because the need to feel connected to that one special person is just too strong. Love developing is the desire for instant gratification. Even if you take it slow, it's not really your first instinct. Your first instinct is to jump out in the middle of the street and tell all your neighbors that you've finally met someone who makes your heart stop. Finally met your match.

Then love starts to get to that point of routine. Which is a comfortable, but less exciting phase. You get into a groove with someone. This is usually the point where most people figure they might as well be exclusive if they hadn't already. Love starts to take on a more logic appeal. Your no longer jumping for joy but you do keep a steady grin on your face.

Then love gets ugly. I mean super ugly. And everything feels so wrong. You start to realize that being in love with someone and really having an actual adult relationship with them is more like a full time job. And the arguments.....feel like a pap smear, or a really big crap. Painful, but important. You outsource your issues to your friends, but none of them really even know what a mature adult relationship looks like yet so their advice has to be taken with a grain of salt. You try to communicate, but that's as hopeless as banging your head against the wall to relive a head ache. You feel lost. The only thing that keeps you sane is the fact that this person, this reason for all confusion and frustration, keeps your blood pumping. They have become so much a part of your life that they've melted into your existence and become who you are. Your faced with the burning question, stay or let love go. And if you let it go, is it for the best or just out of your own lack of courage?

Then, from what I've been told, love gets sweet again. The problems you faced are now behind you and the two of you feel like seasoned vets. You faced loosing each other in very real ways, you know not to even tread down that path. You compromise now not because you know you have to, but because it's what comes naturally to you. Now things are calm, and even though your inbox isn't flooded with various sentiments, it's not exactly empty either. I'm told this is a stage people get to after they've faced huge trials with the one they love. Things they never thought they would over come. And now they look back and they can laugh together remembering when they used to be that lost.

I've learned not to be afraid of the unthinkable. Never to say never, or assume a certain path is not meant for you. I think that if things are supposed to be a certain way you kind of have to lay back a little, point your toes and drift with the current. Even if it takes you somewhere dark, or far away. I think that we always come home in the end.

*Love is also genuinely pleasant on Sundays....for some reason.