Overheard in My Life...

"I heard the ugly ones try harder"

Quote from my cousin, Atya. I cracked up so much I got looks from my co-workers. This statement is ironically true...and if your offended then your probably ugly.

Go head...laugh your ass off...

What's Hilarious About City Life

Sure you have an array of museums, theatres, parks and sights to explore. Some people live their whole lives in New York and still haven't seen everything there is to see. Night life is amazing and practically unnecessary to plan. You can literally just get dressed and hop on a train or call a cab and find something to do walking down the street. Life is generally at your fingertips in a city like NY.... and because of that most people don't spend much time at home. Apartments are for quaint dinner parties, sleeping, studying and having sex...which is why SPACE is something treasured and rare... I found this ad on Craigslist and erupted into laughter at the irony:

In case you can't read that it says: "Beautiful UES (upper east side) apartment to share. Large. King-size bed to share with male, 33. Must be willing to sleep on right-side of bed.."

I wouldn't doubt this to be real. And I wouldn't doubt it to get responses either...

And if You Threw a Party....

My friends are awesome...

Are You Wearing too Much Black?

Fact: I am a black woman.

Un-Fact: I am a typical black woman.

I started a book club...correction...I posted an ad for a book club on Craigslist-Houston. I have yet to receive any responses. Not sure what implication scared off my potential book clubbers... Was it the phrase "all races, ages and genders welcome" or the the fact that Sci-Fi and Erotica will not be covered? Possibly the fact that I titled my ad "Book Club for Deep Thinkers"...was the clincher...

Thus far I've see plenty of group activities targeting the Black, female or knocked up. I don't understand the limitations of smacking the word "Black" in front of something... Why does there have to be this separation of things? Why would you want to shut out the fact that the world, and our country specifically is a beautifully messy array of colors, cultures and opinions?? Why not embrace that? Why not read about the ideas and happenings of cultures you don't know about? Why read some career-saving trashy novel about some actor who "penned" their memoirs using some underpaid ghost writer? Or some predictably erotic "black literature" about some over-sexed, over successful woman who schools us all on how to handle an equally sexy, successful wonder-man and still keep her weave tangle-free? Ugh...

Uptown Hookering & Why I'm Glad I'm 25

My friend Ashley and I went out Friday night with two separate hopes in mind. One; that our respective basketball teams (she, the Rockets and I, the Lakers) would win game 3. And of course two; to have fun after the game.

After hitting up the Daily Grill at the Galleria, we went back to a spot we'd already established to be sufficiently chill, Uptown Hookah. Despite the fact that the name makes it sound like it's sponsored by Wal-Mart. Despite the fact that the inside has been virtually EMPTY both times we've gone. Despite the fact that the only place you can actually smoke is outside, where the sweltering humidity and heat practically take your breath away....where was I? Anyway, the hookah part was cool and so was our waiter, Jason, who was a thick mess of muscles, dread locks, tattoos and boyish grins.... Needless to say Uptown was deserving of a second trip.

After ordering two shots of Patron and a bubblegum & blueberry Rum hookah, Ash and I wandered into the back patio to find some seats. The only spot available was an unnecessarily large gazebo area with two couches and a few chairs placed around marble tables. Even though it was far too large for just the two of us, it was the only spot outside with it's own private fan, so I quickly scooped it up.

20 minutes or so after our hookah arrived, Ashley left to go to the restroom and a kid who looked no older than 18 came by and asked me who else we were waiting for. He said he had a whole party of people and no where to sit. I looked over his "party"....they all looked like a bunch of youngsters. But instead of being a grump about it, I told him my friend went to the restroom and I'd let her decide. When she came back they followed, so I assumed she'd said "yes".

At first it was cool. Even though they were all a bit rowdy. I found out the guy who had asked me if they could join was D. Lee, and even though I can't stand it when people introduce themselves with nicknames, I smiled and said nice to meet you. The only reason I remember his name, is because he was "from Oakland". Although I doubted whether of not he was actually from there. He claimed to have been in Houston for 8 years, but also claimed to have attended Skyline High. Unless he was my age (doubtful) or started high school at the age of 12, I highly doubted that could be true. He also "tested" my Oakland roots by saying, "Yahdiddahh"....which is something I was never in the habit of saying regardless of the fact that Oakland is my hometown. I assessed that he'd listened to way too much Mac Dre and Too Short and that he'd probably only spent a few years in the Bay and it rubbed off too much. The rest of his friend's names I don't recall.

Before two of them departed, a guy who claimed to be an actor but who I assumed was just behind on his Ritalin and his girlfriend, Jasmine stopped in the middle of the outside patio. The guy went down on one knee and mumbled inaudible things that caused the girl to blush. Suddenly I heard, "Will you marry me" and everyone outside cheered and clapped. I was wondering what kind of an asshole proposes to his girlfriend at Uptown Hookah, without a ring...?

I kept drinking...

Before the night was through I'd secured two numbers for future references, should I have a need for whatever Houston considers to be "fire". I left that night feeling like I'd definitely past the point of being in the rowdy group. I had fun. The kind of fun you don't expect but go along with because you need to relax and laugh. Maybe it was a little embarrassing to have the entire restaurant's attention be turned to our table while the kids whooped and hollered over- I forget what. I'm glad I'm past that age of needless attention grabbing, but it was fun to re-visit it. All in all, I'm a little done with the consistently empty Uptown Hookah spot, but at least I know there is more to do in Houston than cow-tip and watch the sorry ass Rockets scramble for a second win. *Ha ha*

I still miss NYC.

Micro Management & Why People Shoot Their Co-Workers

There is something to be said for constructive criticism. To offer an observation followed by an opinion and even-handed advice. However, most people in management, feel the need to do what I like to call "unnecessary forced rephrasing"... Example:

"Hey I noticed the paper for the color copier is out."

"Yes, our order was pushed back so it won't be here until Thursday."

"Oh, well we want to make sure and keep that copier full."

"Yes. Basically because of the order delay we've run out."

"Well in the future, we have to prevent that from happening."

"WITH WHAT YOU FUCKING MORON....MY FUTURE BACKORDER CLAIRVOYANCE?? AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN THE OFFICE SUPPLY FUCKS OF AMERICA ARE GOING TO STIFF ME ON AN ORDER JUST SO YOU CAN AVOID GOING TO KINKOS TO PRINT OUT YOUR GOD DAMN OLIVE GARDEN COUPONS????!!!"

Honest and logic is frown upon in the administrative field.

"Ok, I'll make sure and do that, sir."

Pearland, TX, USA

This is Pearland, TX. I live an exit away from the the above 6 President Heads. I venture into Pearland to get groceries and other needed supplies. I haven't seen a corner store in over two months.

At night I hear nothing but the occasional bird or dog bark. Every day during the week I leave my house, sit in traffic for 45 minutes, listening to family-safe talk radio. I go to work for 8 hours, a position that doesn't stimulate me in the least bit, although I am grateful to have work at all these days, and drive home in the same 45 minute traffic. As we make our way from the freeway exit to our garage the only variation is that occasionally we stop and pick up our mail. D waves to whatever neighbors are outside at the time, something I find to be pointless and annoying. If everyone was so interested in getting to know each other, we would actually KNOW each other.... We pull into the garage, and the rest of my day is so predictable that I sometimes forget what day of the week it is. Weekends include less traffic, different clothes and more food.

I'm not going to pretend that I like Pearland, TX. I don't compare it at all to Central Houston, which actually has life and goings on. Pearland, TX is the most boring place I've ever lived in my life...and I once lived in Merrietta, OH. This place should come with a disclaimer.

WARNING: In exchange for a low mortgage and a back yard, emotional and economic fees include but are not limited to; lack of stimulation, decrease in sexual urges, higher risk of living next door to a serial killer, lack of cityscape, roaches the size of house cats, overly friendly neighbors, and the unrested desire to hang or be hung from the shower head.

June 9th...

I'll be back in the city. I feel like there should be some ceremonial balloon dropping or dove-letting at JFK as I arrive from the gate...

Let it begin....

Lakers v. Rockets

Um....sorry Houstonians...but that ass (or should I say "cow hide") is gonna get whooped tomorrow night..

...And I'll be there, cup in hand, at the sports bar cheering them on to victory!!!

Getttum' Kobe!!

Oprah Gives Out Free Chicken....Gee Thanks...

For those of you who have not heard of the BOUNTEOUS gift Queen Oprah has bestowed upon us all, let me be the first to inform you.


Oprah Winfrey is now giving away free 2-piece chicken meals (including 2 sides and a biscuit) to all those who want it.

Not that the gesture, I'm sure isn't good news for munchie-hungry pot heads, college students and of course...people living in poverty who no doubt have access to a computer...(ahem). Seriously, though....chicken? KFC chicken at that. For someone who is SO focused on health, eating right and staying fit (although she fell of that wagon too many times to name), she sure cheaps it up when it comes to showering her fans with "gifts".

I guess it's easy for me not to show my appreciation...I don't eat chicken!!

I mean, hello?? What about the MILLIONS of vegans and vegetarians, Oprah? How bout passing out something people really need?.... Like fresh fruit or gas for their tank..?? While your in such a giving mood why not use the millions of dollars it cost to pull this stunt and put some money into our sinking economy?

I understand that Oprah has done a lot...I mean the Oprah Book Club (in which she stamps her unnecessary approval on already classic novels), the African girls school (never mind that she left out millions of African BOYS) and of course, the ever-popular gift-giving ceremony she holds each year for Christmas (when she hands out millions of dollars worth of free shit that no one ever needs).

Maybe I'm just a disgruntled vegetarian, or maybe I'm not alone in this....Oprah woke up one day and decided to feed her minions.

"Hmmm..." she thought, "What do all my negro fans need that I can give them....??"

Greasy Chicken!!!