New York Post Hits Below the (double) Belt

For those of you who don't blog or keep up with mindless celebrity news, Jessica Simpson the singer (?) has gained a bit of weight. This morning, the New York Post, my favorite NY newspaper printed this gnarly little cartoon:

Now, at first of course, one must laugh...because it looks hilarious and way over-blown. But I saw a recent picture of this chick, and honestly....she doesn't even look "fat". Extra poundage...yes, but fat...far from it! Not that millions of 13 year olds read the NY Post Page Six, but the very idea that woman cannot gain OR loose a single pound without being accused of having an eating disorder is totally absurd.

Women gain weight VERY easily. And conversely, some women loose weight just as easily. It's not always a pleasant thing, but it happens. I find it very hard to believe that a woman drew the above cartoon. I'm sure somewhere in New York is the bloke who thought this crap was funny...with his shrunken penis and male pattern balding...chuckling at his own crafty comedic skills.

Sir, you are truly an abomination.

Scooped!!

Just saw this on PerezHilton.com:

Funny....that looks a lot like.... MINE!!!

Thieves!!!

Battle Scars & Broken Nails

Tonight I took a nice long refreshing shower. And before that shower I did something I haven't done in a while. I stared at myself, stark naked in the mirror for a solid 10 minutes. I examined myself thouroughly. The tattoos, the surgery scars, the eyeliner that had found it's way to the creaces in the corners of my eyes. As unflattering as I'm sure W Magazine would find my reflection I thought it was beautiful. I saw a deccisive, funny, intellegent and talented young woman. I saw every inch of my imperfect self and admired the fact that I have someone who loves those inches as much as I do. My kinky hair and my crooked index finger, whose nail I broke packing boxes.

It's a simple matter, liking yourself, but it seems to be the hardest thing for most women to actually do. We are the abstract in a world of realism. Most of us walk around completely convinced that the woman we painted on that morning is exactly who we are. Then, when it all comes off; the weave, the make-up, the wonder bra...we feel inadequate. Well at my young age, I'm hardly an expert at self acceptance or esteem, and I can freely admit there are quite a few things I'd like to improve about myself. But I do know that we are not what we see in the mirror alone. And if we place too much value on looks, then we'll find at the end of the day or the end of our youth that we have nothing about ourselves to be proud of. Looking in the mirror and seeing more than shapes and colors is the mark of a woman who knows the truth in beauty.

Best Quote EVER!

"You've got to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!"

-Kevin Bacon on his 20-year long marrige.

To Love & Learn in New York

"Forget it", I scoffed to myself after hanging up the phone. I was, for the fourth time in a week, steaming mad at D and the rest of his kind. Men, who needs them.

My sister and I pecked at the topic like hens. Why they can be so robotic, while we women are destined to feel every scratch, every tiny bump in the road. They have it easy when it comes to love, all they have to do is grin and bear it. Open doors, pick up the check. The biggest task a man faces in a relationship is letting go of his mother. But us...it's a different story. We've built them up in our minds since the day of our first crush and spent every year after pruning the idea into a perfectly crafted Super-Dude of a fantasy. Who could possibly compare to the man we hold in our heads?

Here I am, 6 days away from the biggest change of my life thus far. In my mind I always thought we'd be in some magical place where everything worked like clock work and the little things didn't bother us. I'd always look at happy couples and assume they've reached that point of perfect bliss, not considering the possibility that maybe, like so many of us, they've just become experts at smiling in public when their really pissed at each other..

The truth of it is, no matter what stupid argument D and I scrape up I still couldn't imagine my life without him. No matter how upset he gets me, I know where he's coming from. No matter the reason or the result, our arguments are only arguments to begin with because we care so deeply. And the best part, is when we make up. When he gives in a bit and I give in, and he cracks a joke and I laugh and he tells me he's glad I'm smiling again. As much as I'd like to say that in almost 4 years D and I argue less now than ever, that simply is not true. I can say, however, that we have finally become excellent maker-uppers.

And the Chorus Says: "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

It is a whopping 43 degrees in NYC today...

I never thought I'd say this about anything below 60 degrees, but

What WONDERFUL weather we're having today.

LMAO @ Sacramento!!!

Sorry sis, but it's no secret that I despise Sacramento...the black hole of California. And now the New York Post gave me a bit of a chuckle regarding one of Sac's own.

20 year old, Natalie Lenhart of Sacramento obviously forgot that NYC is the land of cash. Cold hard cash money. Stepping into a cab without enough cash to pay is as bad as taping your wallet to the back of your head and walking through Penn Station blind-folded at 2AM. The cabby told little Natalie to fork over her iPod nano as payment for the $50 ride. She handed over a $140 iPod crying after a NYPD officer forced her to do it. And all because she didn't stop at the ATM.

Hilarious.

Kanye West: The Bi-Con

Let's give Mr. West a round of applause for never failing to give us something to laugh about. Way to keep your name in the papers, Slick.

Kanye is once again talking about himself in a recent interview where he dropped this little tidbit:

"I know people will find that as another thing to hate me on, but fuck it. I'm open to doing porn. Hell, I'll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird shit, but I am who I am."

First of all, why a porn, Kanye?? A PORN?? That's not exploitative, that's just trashy and desperate. I can understand if he wants to take the Heath Ledger/Jake Gyllenhaal path and go to the extreme for an Oscar award winning part, but a PORN? Where is that going to get you? And who cares if you mess with another guy, every one is well aware that your a closeted bottom, so I doubt anyone would be surprised. I think it's totally disgusting when people (men or women) exploit the gay/lesbian lifestyle simply to gain attention. If your gay, your gay...if your an actor, your an actor. But to just be in a porno with another dude to, what, promote your album???

West wasn't finished there, though, he continued to say:

"I'm an artist. Artist expand; they don't contract. What do I look like staying confined in one space with all my talent? I'm an icon."

Stevie Wonder, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley.... These are ICONS, people who have shaped entire generations and left their mark on the music world forever....NONE of them sold out for a sit com deal, or walked around spouting off at the mouth about how iconic they are (Miss Franklin not included in that last one...)

Kanye, being an icon is like telling a good joke. If you have to explain it....

Vegetarianism: Day 5

So the upside of being a vegetarian is that my food costs a little less. Today I braved the cold (and I mean C-O-L-D) to walk a block to Chipotle. I ordered the burrito bowl, meatless with veggies, rice, sour cream and guac...YUMMMM. It was totally delish and cost $1.50 cheaper.

I'm starting to get the hang of this.

Best Quote EVER!

"Fire and tight spaces don't appeal. A shark would be interesting,"

-On how he'd prefer to die.