The HAPPY NAPPY Project

Take a look in the mirror. Look at your eyes, nose, lips and ears. Where do they come from? Your mother, your great-uncle...do you look just like your child? Are you representative of generations of trademark chins, fingers and dimples? Your heritage is nothing if not your very blue print, and as humans, and specifically women, we are taught by society to feel lessened in some small way if our face, body or hair doesn't fit into one of the molds put down before us.

Ok, so aside from the already heavy burden of having society-approved "beauty", having grasp of a made-for-you, made-by-Vogue sense of style, a sleek and healthy figure and smooth skin regardless of your age. Set aside from this practically unreachable standard is the one that exists for black woman. The hair issue...

I've heard it said a thousand differant ways. From, "Why is your hair so thick?" to "What are you mixed with?" My hair has never quite been straight OR nappy enough for anyone to accept. I spent hours staring at my hair in the mirror, watching it's limp, frizzy waves as the water began to evaporate from it. Every so often I'd shake my head out, if I had no where to go. Let the water fly off, my hair fly out. I'd stare at my face, my hair and I'd see it as beautiful. Then reality would settle in..."Naw, I can't wear my hair like that." Before I knew it I was blowing away the remaining moisture, pressing it flat and wrapping up for my desired smoothness.

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with having straight hair. Curly girls of all races have been straightening their locks for HUNDREDS of years. It's a matter of preference how you wear your hair. Having sleek, smooth hair fall over your shoulders is appealing and there's nothing wrong with preferring that look. However, because this tends to be the standard look for most women, and one achieved best by heat or chemicals...many woman don't even have time to understand how to care for their OWN hair texture. Which leaves them little choices when it comes to styling their hair. Some women have baldness around their temples from pulling their hair back or braiding it, but because they don't know how else to deal with their hair, they are stuck in the endless pattern. Some women's scalp or hair types is damaged excessively by chemical perms, but because they just don't feel they have many other options, they risk eventual alopecia (baldness) and continue in a vicious cycle as well. Aside from the health issues, a lot of woman out there would actually prefer at least the OPTION of being able to rock their natural tresses on occasion, but don't know where to begin. To me, this is a travesty.

There are hundreds of reasons why going natural is considered to be a Lord of the Rings size mission. From not being sure your mate will like it to now being sure your boss will like it. It's a commitment, no doubt and one that usually involves some scissor action. You have to educate yourself, readjust your thinking and learn to get used to hearing things that might make you want to cringe at first. Like; "Why did you do that?" or, "You look better with straight hair." You'll also have to get used to hearing things like, "Wow, you look so much better like that!" and "Your hair looks so healthy."

The decision of course is yours. It's not for everyone. I think, however, that it's important for black women find an understanding of their natural hair... so they can make in the very least an informed decision.

How To Prevent Teen Pregnancy...

It's not often that I listen to that radio out here. If it's not shock jocks who spout extremist points of view, it's tough to hold my attention. The morning DJ's in Houston are pretty "G" rated. But this morning an interesting topic was brought up on the Tom Joyner show; teen pregnancy. They stated some pretty interesting statistics. Over 50% of African American girls become pregnant before the age of 20 in the US. Although that's not a shocking number....it still blows me away.

I saw it a lot more in Oakland and Brooklyn...young girls pushing strollers. I wanted to tell myself that they had kid-siblings like me, and that they were taking the child off their parent's hands for the day. Or that they were just a really awesome and young nanny who watched kids for extra money. But I'm not that naive. I know that's some bullshit.

The fact of the matter is, black fathers are absent. Product, maybe of vicious cycles...young parents and the collapse of the American Family. Like the strongest of natural instincts, young girls will find their father...even if it's in the arms of a young boy. Young girls who didn't have much family structure growing up...will create one of their own..even if their not ready for it. People think that preventing teen pregnancy is by talking to young kids about sex and the responsibilities of parenthood that they are no doubt unprepared for. I think it's in educating the parents.

I think when kids start high school, parents should as well in a way. I think they should be offered classes (on weekends or one night a month...) or given literature to read that is very honest and open about how to deal with their little developing adult. Teach them about the new technologies that their kids now have access to (Myspace, Facebook, Twitter...etc.) and about the new pressures faced with their child's individual generation. Assuming that there is "nothing new under the sun.." has definitely become a notion of the past. What I faced as a teen was VERY different than what my mother faced and VERY different than what my child will face, and learning to respect that instead of dismiss it is step one.

I think a new approach to teenage sex needs to be taken. I think it's OK to allow your child to make that decision for themselves. If your daughter wants to have sex, she is GOING to do it, even if you walk her to school and home every day and lock her in her room at night. Telling her that you support her decision, explaining birth control, doctor check ups, hygiene and risks associated with a sexually active lifestyle will prove that you trust her, respect her and that having sex is in no way a "rebellion" in your eyes. Knowing that your parent's are backing your decision, makes that decision feel real and less like some power statement of individuality. I think taking the taboo out of teen sex, is taking away some of the appeal.

Taking the appeal out of sexuality in a more public sense might help as well....regulating TV shows and advertisements so that they don't show teens or adults playing teens in a sexually explicit light ( 90210, Gossip Girl..etc). And I know this might be controversial...but hello...maybe not giving pregnant teens a FULL RIDE through college just for getting knocked up...might be a deterrent. Unless a woman has been impregnated through rape, she made the decision to lay down and consent to adult sex...she should have to deal with the adult consequences just the same as everyone else. I'm tired of being ass out just because I didn't have a baby in high school...no one pays my bills for me.

Bottom lines is, something needs to change. Scaring kids out of doing drugs and having sex is obviously not working. Being honest, respectful and educated are the only real tools society has.

Love, Happiness and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves...

Ironically, the things we all love to much, run to and look forward to are often fleeting and scattered. Maybe it's the hunt that makes them so appealing or maybe too much of it would just be....too much?

I often wonder when the heroine addition to happiness began. When the carrot fell in front of our faces and we decided that our mission in life would be to chase it at all costs. Was it the first kiss from our mothers? The first toy we played with? Something that introduced the affects of love, comfort and happiness. That feeling in your gut that makes gravity feel stronger and the air feel lighter. Suddenly we're hooked.

If you look back on your life, it's very easy to see what you want to see. The one who got away, the major you should have taken, the job you should have quit, so on. It's easier because it's clearer...but never that clear.

All I could see when I thought about being here with D was his smile, his laugh, his arms and every little thing he does that makes me feel at home. It was harder to think of the things, the big things that make us fundamentally different. Having a million inside jokes won't make up for everything. And YES it is ok to walk away from a good man and from a good thing.

This is when I'm supposed to say, "Its with great regret...." but I'm done with that. Regret has been an emotion I've run from since I was a little girl. I'll be 25 this month. And I can say is that I hope this year I end up somewhere good.

*On to the Next*

I'm Twiddicted!!

I'm totally addicted to Twitter!! Love the randomness of the updates and the fact that some of the celebs I find interesting or the artists I admire send the MOST random and funny shit about their lives.... Check it out!

Love Lost & Other Symptoms of Accute Nomadia...

It's been about three months since I left New York, over a year since I left California. It feels like the further I get from home, the less people I know, the more I know myself, the more I understand God.

It's fine. Of course. My mother once told me that because of my creative soul, I was destined to feel alone. Full of thoughts no one could quite understand...and while I find comfort in being so complex.....

Anyway....

So people fall off. But the good thing about that is I'm left with the most amazing "whittled'-down-ed-ness" of friends who are worth their salt and tough as nails.


To the rest, I guess I can't be mad. A friend is usually the product of mutual attention, common ground and good times. I assume anyone who doesn't see the point in staying friends with me has either been greatly offended by me at least once or is butt hurt that I left. Either way, good riddens.

So I've learned in large that good friends respect your journey, even if it takes you far away. A good man will see you as clay, not porcelain and the best things in life are far from free and closer to risky.

If the winds should take me away from this place, I only hope that I land safely and lose only those who want to be lost.

The Perfect Berry

Moist from faucet water.

Blackberries are a lot like people. Each one disproportionate in it's own little way. Lop sided or under filled. Stunted or overgrown. I shift them around with my index finger tip searching for the one that would fill my hunger for sweetness, my odd addiction to crush-resistant seeds and of course my loyal affinity for the berry with multiple personalities. That one has a flat spot. This one is too red. So on.

There was one that seemed to find my finger. So perfectly plump with juice and soft that it seemed a little unnatural. Too perfect. I negotiated with my self for a moment, then decided to put it down. Save it for last, I think to myself.

THE Perfect Man: Mos Def, Flowers

Mos Def - Flowers - The Ecstatic avail 6/9/09

Gonna Start Doin Crack....

Over the past few years, I've been in total awe of the new developments in technology. The economically kind cars, the websites that make your life easier (Thank you Fresh Direct..!) the advancements in medicine, even the flying car passing it's safty test recently. One thing, however, that I've steered clear of is the Blackberry.

Why you ask?

Well aside from the fact that I thought it looked strange to have a laptop-sized mobile device planted at the side of your face, and the fact that I never needed that much information to be at my finger tips at any given moment, I was also just plain intimidated by the thing. The small buttons, the thousands of features, the mandatory data pack...it all wisked over my head...WHHOOOSH.

Anyway, with all of the things I'm trying to balence here in Houston; social clubs, stylist business, doctor appointments, school, work, D, I figured getting electronically organized would be a good move.

So I am here by going to be a Blackberry user. Ugh....I'm already browsing eBay like a zombie searching for the perfect SwarovskiCrystal Hello Kitty hard case...

The Pirate "Ship"

I know terrorism in any form is unacceptable and tragic...


I also know that aside from a crazy economy and a war going on over seas, there are a million other wacky things happening to the world right now.




However, just a thought....




Pirates?? Really??? AGAIN??? We could capture Saddam but these guys we can't control:

A bunch of mal-nourished Somalians on a speed boat???

I give up, lets all build bomb shelters and wait for the worst.....

Living in Suburbia...

So I've heard some recent remarks (mainly from my mother) about being to harsh on Houston. Granted, my reaction hasn't been all that...er...fair. However, it's not far from the reaction I had to my last culture shock, NYC. I hated it at first. Hated the smell, hated the people, hated the weather. Although I loved the shopping, music, buildings, and men....there was still a lot of initial hate...

...Where was I....?


...Ok, so anyway, I'm beginning to see why people who are ready to settle down and start a family move to the suburbs. Why they go to a place so far away from the hustle and bustle of the city life, so secluded and comfortable and well maintained....basically it's because here in suburbia it's a lot harder to escape.

I'll admit to the void and to whatever audience this poor blog might still have that in my deepest heart of hearts, I know I don't belong here.

The question is...can something that doesn't belong somewhere remain for other reasons. Can I be unselfish...and see beyond the sharp change in environment?

Time will tell...