Sunday, May 3, 2009

Love, Happiness and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves...

Ironically, the things we all love to much, run to and look forward to are often fleeting and scattered. Maybe it's the hunt that makes them so appealing or maybe too much of it would just be....too much?

I often wonder when the heroine addition to happiness began. When the carrot fell in front of our faces and we decided that our mission in life would be to chase it at all costs. Was it the first kiss from our mothers? The first toy we played with? Something that introduced the affects of love, comfort and happiness. That feeling in your gut that makes gravity feel stronger and the air feel lighter. Suddenly we're hooked.

If you look back on your life, it's very easy to see what you want to see. The one who got away, the major you should have taken, the job you should have quit, so on. It's easier because it's clearer...but never that clear.

All I could see when I thought about being here with D was his smile, his laugh, his arms and every little thing he does that makes me feel at home. It was harder to think of the things, the big things that make us fundamentally different. Having a million inside jokes won't make up for everything. And YES it is ok to walk away from a good man and from a good thing.

This is when I'm supposed to say, "Its with great regret...." but I'm done with that. Regret has been an emotion I've run from since I was a little girl. I'll be 25 this month. And I can say is that I hope this year I end up somewhere good.

*On to the Next*


Samantha said...

Oh nooo. I'm sorry to hear this! Keep your head up!


Anonymous said...

Wow I can't believe you guys are done. The hunt, the chase, that's what it's all about. We're always wanting what we can't have. Distance, time apart does make people fonder of each other. The reality is not always happily ever after though. It's hard to be with someone "fundamentally different" from yourself..I can relate to that big time...and when the going gets tough...sometimes it IS the stronger move to just go. Tried your best, love and lost...but better to...ya you know lol (clichhhhe) Good luck ..can't wait to read where else you take your life (or where your life takes you). Make the most of your bday month...(it's mine too!) and cheers to your upcoming new year.. ;)