Overheard in My Life...

"I heard the ugly ones try harder"

Quote from my cousin, Atya. I cracked up so much I got looks from my co-workers. This statement is ironically true...and if your offended then your probably ugly.

Go head...laugh your ass off...

What's Hilarious About City Life

Sure you have an array of museums, theatres, parks and sights to explore. Some people live their whole lives in New York and still haven't seen everything there is to see. Night life is amazing and practically unnecessary to plan. You can literally just get dressed and hop on a train or call a cab and find something to do walking down the street. Life is generally at your fingertips in a city like NY.... and because of that most people don't spend much time at home. Apartments are for quaint dinner parties, sleeping, studying and having sex...which is why SPACE is something treasured and rare... I found this ad on Craigslist and erupted into laughter at the irony:

In case you can't read that it says: "Beautiful UES (upper east side) apartment to share. Large. King-size bed to share with male, 33. Must be willing to sleep on right-side of bed.."

I wouldn't doubt this to be real. And I wouldn't doubt it to get responses either...

And if You Threw a Party....

My friends are awesome...

Are You Wearing too Much Black?

Fact: I am a black woman.

Un-Fact: I am a typical black woman.

I started a book club...correction...I posted an ad for a book club on Craigslist-Houston. I have yet to receive any responses. Not sure what implication scared off my potential book clubbers... Was it the phrase "all races, ages and genders welcome" or the the fact that Sci-Fi and Erotica will not be covered? Possibly the fact that I titled my ad "Book Club for Deep Thinkers"...was the clincher...

Thus far I've see plenty of group activities targeting the Black, female or knocked up. I don't understand the limitations of smacking the word "Black" in front of something... Why does there have to be this separation of things? Why would you want to shut out the fact that the world, and our country specifically is a beautifully messy array of colors, cultures and opinions?? Why not embrace that? Why not read about the ideas and happenings of cultures you don't know about? Why read some career-saving trashy novel about some actor who "penned" their memoirs using some underpaid ghost writer? Or some predictably erotic "black literature" about some over-sexed, over successful woman who schools us all on how to handle an equally sexy, successful wonder-man and still keep her weave tangle-free? Ugh...

Uptown Hookering & Why I'm Glad I'm 25

My friend Ashley and I went out Friday night with two separate hopes in mind. One; that our respective basketball teams (she, the Rockets and I, the Lakers) would win game 3. And of course two; to have fun after the game.

After hitting up the Daily Grill at the Galleria, we went back to a spot we'd already established to be sufficiently chill, Uptown Hookah. Despite the fact that the name makes it sound like it's sponsored by Wal-Mart. Despite the fact that the inside has been virtually EMPTY both times we've gone. Despite the fact that the only place you can actually smoke is outside, where the sweltering humidity and heat practically take your breath away....where was I? Anyway, the hookah part was cool and so was our waiter, Jason, who was a thick mess of muscles, dread locks, tattoos and boyish grins.... Needless to say Uptown was deserving of a second trip.

After ordering two shots of Patron and a bubblegum & blueberry Rum hookah, Ash and I wandered into the back patio to find some seats. The only spot available was an unnecessarily large gazebo area with two couches and a few chairs placed around marble tables. Even though it was far too large for just the two of us, it was the only spot outside with it's own private fan, so I quickly scooped it up.

20 minutes or so after our hookah arrived, Ashley left to go to the restroom and a kid who looked no older than 18 came by and asked me who else we were waiting for. He said he had a whole party of people and no where to sit. I looked over his "party"....they all looked like a bunch of youngsters. But instead of being a grump about it, I told him my friend went to the restroom and I'd let her decide. When she came back they followed, so I assumed she'd said "yes".

At first it was cool. Even though they were all a bit rowdy. I found out the guy who had asked me if they could join was D. Lee, and even though I can't stand it when people introduce themselves with nicknames, I smiled and said nice to meet you. The only reason I remember his name, is because he was "from Oakland". Although I doubted whether of not he was actually from there. He claimed to have been in Houston for 8 years, but also claimed to have attended Skyline High. Unless he was my age (doubtful) or started high school at the age of 12, I highly doubted that could be true. He also "tested" my Oakland roots by saying, "Yahdiddahh"....which is something I was never in the habit of saying regardless of the fact that Oakland is my hometown. I assessed that he'd listened to way too much Mac Dre and Too Short and that he'd probably only spent a few years in the Bay and it rubbed off too much. The rest of his friend's names I don't recall.

Before two of them departed, a guy who claimed to be an actor but who I assumed was just behind on his Ritalin and his girlfriend, Jasmine stopped in the middle of the outside patio. The guy went down on one knee and mumbled inaudible things that caused the girl to blush. Suddenly I heard, "Will you marry me" and everyone outside cheered and clapped. I was wondering what kind of an asshole proposes to his girlfriend at Uptown Hookah, without a ring...?

I kept drinking...

Before the night was through I'd secured two numbers for future references, should I have a need for whatever Houston considers to be "fire". I left that night feeling like I'd definitely past the point of being in the rowdy group. I had fun. The kind of fun you don't expect but go along with because you need to relax and laugh. Maybe it was a little embarrassing to have the entire restaurant's attention be turned to our table while the kids whooped and hollered over- I forget what. I'm glad I'm past that age of needless attention grabbing, but it was fun to re-visit it. All in all, I'm a little done with the consistently empty Uptown Hookah spot, but at least I know there is more to do in Houston than cow-tip and watch the sorry ass Rockets scramble for a second win. *Ha ha*

I still miss NYC.

Micro Management & Why People Shoot Their Co-Workers

There is something to be said for constructive criticism. To offer an observation followed by an opinion and even-handed advice. However, most people in management, feel the need to do what I like to call "unnecessary forced rephrasing"... Example:

"Hey I noticed the paper for the color copier is out."

"Yes, our order was pushed back so it won't be here until Thursday."

"Oh, well we want to make sure and keep that copier full."

"Yes. Basically because of the order delay we've run out."

"Well in the future, we have to prevent that from happening."

"WITH WHAT YOU FUCKING MORON....MY FUTURE BACKORDER CLAIRVOYANCE?? AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN THE OFFICE SUPPLY FUCKS OF AMERICA ARE GOING TO STIFF ME ON AN ORDER JUST SO YOU CAN AVOID GOING TO KINKOS TO PRINT OUT YOUR GOD DAMN OLIVE GARDEN COUPONS????!!!"

Honest and logic is frown upon in the administrative field.

"Ok, I'll make sure and do that, sir."

Pearland, TX, USA

This is Pearland, TX. I live an exit away from the the above 6 President Heads. I venture into Pearland to get groceries and other needed supplies. I haven't seen a corner store in over two months.

At night I hear nothing but the occasional bird or dog bark. Every day during the week I leave my house, sit in traffic for 45 minutes, listening to family-safe talk radio. I go to work for 8 hours, a position that doesn't stimulate me in the least bit, although I am grateful to have work at all these days, and drive home in the same 45 minute traffic. As we make our way from the freeway exit to our garage the only variation is that occasionally we stop and pick up our mail. D waves to whatever neighbors are outside at the time, something I find to be pointless and annoying. If everyone was so interested in getting to know each other, we would actually KNOW each other.... We pull into the garage, and the rest of my day is so predictable that I sometimes forget what day of the week it is. Weekends include less traffic, different clothes and more food.

I'm not going to pretend that I like Pearland, TX. I don't compare it at all to Central Houston, which actually has life and goings on. Pearland, TX is the most boring place I've ever lived in my life...and I once lived in Merrietta, OH. This place should come with a disclaimer.

WARNING: In exchange for a low mortgage and a back yard, emotional and economic fees include but are not limited to; lack of stimulation, decrease in sexual urges, higher risk of living next door to a serial killer, lack of cityscape, roaches the size of house cats, overly friendly neighbors, and the unrested desire to hang or be hung from the shower head.

June 9th...

I'll be back in the city. I feel like there should be some ceremonial balloon dropping or dove-letting at JFK as I arrive from the gate...

Let it begin....

Lakers v. Rockets

Um....sorry Houstonians...but that ass (or should I say "cow hide") is gonna get whooped tomorrow night..

...And I'll be there, cup in hand, at the sports bar cheering them on to victory!!!

Getttum' Kobe!!

Oprah Gives Out Free Chicken....Gee Thanks...

For those of you who have not heard of the BOUNTEOUS gift Queen Oprah has bestowed upon us all, let me be the first to inform you.


Oprah Winfrey is now giving away free 2-piece chicken meals (including 2 sides and a biscuit) to all those who want it.

Not that the gesture, I'm sure isn't good news for munchie-hungry pot heads, college students and of course...people living in poverty who no doubt have access to a computer...(ahem). Seriously, though....chicken? KFC chicken at that. For someone who is SO focused on health, eating right and staying fit (although she fell of that wagon too many times to name), she sure cheaps it up when it comes to showering her fans with "gifts".

I guess it's easy for me not to show my appreciation...I don't eat chicken!!

I mean, hello?? What about the MILLIONS of vegans and vegetarians, Oprah? How bout passing out something people really need?.... Like fresh fruit or gas for their tank..?? While your in such a giving mood why not use the millions of dollars it cost to pull this stunt and put some money into our sinking economy?

I understand that Oprah has done a lot...I mean the Oprah Book Club (in which she stamps her unnecessary approval on already classic novels), the African girls school (never mind that she left out millions of African BOYS) and of course, the ever-popular gift-giving ceremony she holds each year for Christmas (when she hands out millions of dollars worth of free shit that no one ever needs).

Maybe I'm just a disgruntled vegetarian, or maybe I'm not alone in this....Oprah woke up one day and decided to feed her minions.

"Hmmm..." she thought, "What do all my negro fans need that I can give them....??"

Greasy Chicken!!!

The Aliens Have Landed

The usually ferosh and fashion forward, Madonna was channelling some outside forces last night at the Met Gala....Women's Wear Daily was Twittering away about the goings on, so I had to check out the pics for myself this morning. All hail to Louis Vuitton, but seriously....as D would put it... she looks like she wore all her Christmas gifts on the same day...

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!!

The HAPPY NAPPY Project

Take a look in the mirror. Look at your eyes, nose, lips and ears. Where do they come from? Your mother, your great-uncle...do you look just like your child? Are you representative of generations of trademark chins, fingers and dimples? Your heritage is nothing if not your very blue print, and as humans, and specifically women, we are taught by society to feel lessened in some small way if our face, body or hair doesn't fit into one of the molds put down before us.

Ok, so aside from the already heavy burden of having society-approved "beauty", having grasp of a made-for-you, made-by-Vogue sense of style, a sleek and healthy figure and smooth skin regardless of your age. Set aside from this practically unreachable standard is the one that exists for black woman. The hair issue...

I've heard it said a thousand differant ways. From, "Why is your hair so thick?" to "What are you mixed with?" My hair has never quite been straight OR nappy enough for anyone to accept. I spent hours staring at my hair in the mirror, watching it's limp, frizzy waves as the water began to evaporate from it. Every so often I'd shake my head out, if I had no where to go. Let the water fly off, my hair fly out. I'd stare at my face, my hair and I'd see it as beautiful. Then reality would settle in..."Naw, I can't wear my hair like that." Before I knew it I was blowing away the remaining moisture, pressing it flat and wrapping up for my desired smoothness.

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with having straight hair. Curly girls of all races have been straightening their locks for HUNDREDS of years. It's a matter of preference how you wear your hair. Having sleek, smooth hair fall over your shoulders is appealing and there's nothing wrong with preferring that look. However, because this tends to be the standard look for most women, and one achieved best by heat or chemicals...many woman don't even have time to understand how to care for their OWN hair texture. Which leaves them little choices when it comes to styling their hair. Some women have baldness around their temples from pulling their hair back or braiding it, but because they don't know how else to deal with their hair, they are stuck in the endless pattern. Some women's scalp or hair types is damaged excessively by chemical perms, but because they just don't feel they have many other options, they risk eventual alopecia (baldness) and continue in a vicious cycle as well. Aside from the health issues, a lot of woman out there would actually prefer at least the OPTION of being able to rock their natural tresses on occasion, but don't know where to begin. To me, this is a travesty.

There are hundreds of reasons why going natural is considered to be a Lord of the Rings size mission. From not being sure your mate will like it to now being sure your boss will like it. It's a commitment, no doubt and one that usually involves some scissor action. You have to educate yourself, readjust your thinking and learn to get used to hearing things that might make you want to cringe at first. Like; "Why did you do that?" or, "You look better with straight hair." You'll also have to get used to hearing things like, "Wow, you look so much better like that!" and "Your hair looks so healthy."

The decision of course is yours. It's not for everyone. I think, however, that it's important for black women find an understanding of their natural hair... so they can make in the very least an informed decision.

How To Prevent Teen Pregnancy...

It's not often that I listen to that radio out here. If it's not shock jocks who spout extremist points of view, it's tough to hold my attention. The morning DJ's in Houston are pretty "G" rated. But this morning an interesting topic was brought up on the Tom Joyner show; teen pregnancy. They stated some pretty interesting statistics. Over 50% of African American girls become pregnant before the age of 20 in the US. Although that's not a shocking number....it still blows me away.

I saw it a lot more in Oakland and Brooklyn...young girls pushing strollers. I wanted to tell myself that they had kid-siblings like me, and that they were taking the child off their parent's hands for the day. Or that they were just a really awesome and young nanny who watched kids for extra money. But I'm not that naive. I know that's some bullshit.

The fact of the matter is, black fathers are absent. Product, maybe of vicious cycles...young parents and the collapse of the American Family. Like the strongest of natural instincts, young girls will find their father...even if it's in the arms of a young boy. Young girls who didn't have much family structure growing up...will create one of their own..even if their not ready for it. People think that preventing teen pregnancy is by talking to young kids about sex and the responsibilities of parenthood that they are no doubt unprepared for. I think it's in educating the parents.

I think when kids start high school, parents should as well in a way. I think they should be offered classes (on weekends or one night a month...) or given literature to read that is very honest and open about how to deal with their little developing adult. Teach them about the new technologies that their kids now have access to (Myspace, Facebook, Twitter...etc.) and about the new pressures faced with their child's individual generation. Assuming that there is "nothing new under the sun.." has definitely become a notion of the past. What I faced as a teen was VERY different than what my mother faced and VERY different than what my child will face, and learning to respect that instead of dismiss it is step one.

I think a new approach to teenage sex needs to be taken. I think it's OK to allow your child to make that decision for themselves. If your daughter wants to have sex, she is GOING to do it, even if you walk her to school and home every day and lock her in her room at night. Telling her that you support her decision, explaining birth control, doctor check ups, hygiene and risks associated with a sexually active lifestyle will prove that you trust her, respect her and that having sex is in no way a "rebellion" in your eyes. Knowing that your parent's are backing your decision, makes that decision feel real and less like some power statement of individuality. I think taking the taboo out of teen sex, is taking away some of the appeal.

Taking the appeal out of sexuality in a more public sense might help as well....regulating TV shows and advertisements so that they don't show teens or adults playing teens in a sexually explicit light ( 90210, Gossip Girl..etc). And I know this might be controversial...but hello...maybe not giving pregnant teens a FULL RIDE through college just for getting knocked up...might be a deterrent. Unless a woman has been impregnated through rape, she made the decision to lay down and consent to adult sex...she should have to deal with the adult consequences just the same as everyone else. I'm tired of being ass out just because I didn't have a baby in high school...no one pays my bills for me.

Bottom lines is, something needs to change. Scaring kids out of doing drugs and having sex is obviously not working. Being honest, respectful and educated are the only real tools society has.

Love, Happiness and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves...

Ironically, the things we all love to much, run to and look forward to are often fleeting and scattered. Maybe it's the hunt that makes them so appealing or maybe too much of it would just be....too much?

I often wonder when the heroine addition to happiness began. When the carrot fell in front of our faces and we decided that our mission in life would be to chase it at all costs. Was it the first kiss from our mothers? The first toy we played with? Something that introduced the affects of love, comfort and happiness. That feeling in your gut that makes gravity feel stronger and the air feel lighter. Suddenly we're hooked.

If you look back on your life, it's very easy to see what you want to see. The one who got away, the major you should have taken, the job you should have quit, so on. It's easier because it's clearer...but never that clear.

All I could see when I thought about being here with D was his smile, his laugh, his arms and every little thing he does that makes me feel at home. It was harder to think of the things, the big things that make us fundamentally different. Having a million inside jokes won't make up for everything. And YES it is ok to walk away from a good man and from a good thing.

This is when I'm supposed to say, "Its with great regret...." but I'm done with that. Regret has been an emotion I've run from since I was a little girl. I'll be 25 this month. And I can say is that I hope this year I end up somewhere good.

*On to the Next*