Saturday, November 15, 2008

Lost and Found

Sometimes its good to look back on how you can put into perspective exactly how you got to where you are.

April 7th, 2008

Loosing. Loosing money, or friends, or love, or time, or Metro cards. Something once solely possessed thrown to the gods. Placed back into the universe as though it was never yours to begin with. Do we posses any possessions but ourselves? A sense of ownership must be impossible if what we "own" can be taken from us. We leasers on life, looking to pay dues to the financiers who hold us hostage. I find that what I posses dissipates like muddy water through my fingers. As though its depths were just an illusion. Its only purpose; to lure me into giving my heart to the idea that something could truly belong to me...

...Surely this is not a lesson in love or money. But something godly; of earth, of substance. I feel like the answer is inside me. I just haven't found it yet...

...He didn't say "I love you back. He acknowledged that I'd said it, but nothing in response. Does he not love me? Have I worn him thin? I feel as though he is and always will be lost to me. Something I may have never possessed at all.



Shawn Smith said...

April 7th was the day before my birthday. I was boarding a plane for Kuwait after getting my home and affairs in order after a six day notice. I had just broken up with my ex and she finally moved her stuff out of the house. I had just said goodbye to my two dogs and thought for sure that I wouldn't see one of them again upon my return.

I was tired, angry, lonely, and hated the fact that my life was no longer in my control. It was one of the lowest points in my life.