Friday, April 18, 2008

Broken Up

It's something that is a lot easier to grasp as a concept . Taking anything day by day is an idea that we know is so simple, so easy; but can feel like watching paint dry. A painful scratch of time that induces you to wince at the sound of it. A day is 12 hours, and the nights feel like more when your used to something that's no longer there. When your in the moment, time stretches out, and you feel so small standing beside it. The feeling can hit you in the middle of a perfectly sunny day, when your forced to take off your jacket so you can feel the sunshine on your skin. Surrounded by sweet music and rushing people. When you should be smiling beneath your sunglasses. Maybe it's the fact that your surroundings are so appealing, that the day feels so good. Maybe it exemplifies the reality that your walking alone. Maybe that's why your thoughts suddenly turn to him. And your eyes start to glaze over without admonition. And the sounds get louder and the people seem to push with greater pace. And the smells start to suffocate you. And you have to find a corner supplying shade. And rest there. You think to reach for the phone. You lift it up and fiddle with the dial. All you have to do is find the right reason. An excuse to offer so you don't feel so desperate. But you know you don't have one. So you wrestle with your thoughts and bargain with your pride. Pride looses, but your still invaded with a sense of integrity. You know it's best to let this moment pass. Even if you have to grit your teeth.