Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Guinness Book of Texas

Before I left California, I never really thought of states in the US as separate entities. I knew they had their own birds, flowers and flags. I knew they all had a thing or two they were particularly proud of, but generally I just thought since we're all in the same country....whats there to be so competitive about?

Plenty (apparently).

Since moving to Houston, and I must say this may be the the MOST annoying thing about living in this city, I have encountered so many people with the worst state-pride version of Big Man's Complex I've ever seen. Did you know that if there was a Guinness Book of US records, Texas would be at the top of every list? Ask anyone here, they'll tell you. If they don't have the worst roads or the craziest drivers they have the largest malls or the best Christmas light show.

A little perspective is in order here. Sure, Houston is a very big city...big as in footage...BIG city. Texas is a big state. So 9 out of 10 times that I ever bring up my own home state in either a positive or negative light...I am slammed with some chart topping fact..."Well Houston has a huge amount of homeless people..." I mean what's to gain in telling someone that seeing a few homeless people gathered under a bridge or at the freeway entrance asking for change is nothing compared to the hoards of homeless in San Francisco, Portland, DC or Manhattan? How can I explain to someone who has never been to Santa Monica or San Diego that there are nicer beaches than Kema or Galveston?

I've been holding this little rant in for a while, because the sheer concept of being annoyed by this is so....annoying. The fact that I could be irritated by this meaningless verbal competition Houstonians are so obsessed with makes my skin crawl a little. Their "little" big city is full of itself and for no apparent reason. I'll tell you what they've got on the rest of the country; Fat muther fuckers, Huge cockroaches, Fashion that's at least a season behind and Absolutely no natural skyline. There...you want a trophy?





3 comments:

Tell Em Girl said...

LMAO@Fat mutherfuckers! Sounds like a place where I belong!

You are right on about the skyline, that shit was confusing as hell last time i visited!

Chaotically Calm said...

So you're saying you don't like Houston....I can't even imagine why. I mean after having the largest homesless population and clearly the best beaches this side of heaven what's not to like. LMFAO!!!!

Since I've never seen the "beaches" of Texas I may be biased but I don't recall hearing about them in any magazines of beaches to visit.

Lotus said...

Yea, well I suppose after you've been culturally and geographically starved...ANY beach looks like paradise.